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我十年没回过家了。当我终于走下火车时，我的亲叔叔看了我一眼，立刻低头看他的鞋子。

For ten years I didn’t go home. And when I finally got off the train, my own uncle looked at me and immediately stared down at his shoes.

“莉娜，”塞普叔叔说。只说了这个。然后他拿过我的行李箱，朝车走去。

“Lena,” said Uncle Sepp. Just that. Then he took my suitcase and walked to the car.

圣安娜火车站很小，只有一个站台和一张长椅。村子后面是山，灰白色的，和以前一模一样。我以为十年时间一切都会改变。但这里几乎什么都没变。只有我变了。

The station in Sankt Anna is small, just one track and one bench. Behind the village stand the mountains, grey and white, exactly as before. I had thought that everything changes in ten years. But almost nothing had changed here. Except me.

我妹妹卡特琳周六结婚。三个月前她寄给我一张明信片，上面有她和一个留胡子的男人的合影。她在背面写道： 请回来。没有人会说什么。我保证。

My sister Katrin is getting married on Saturday. Three months ago she sent me a card with a photo of her and a man with a beard. On the back she wrote: Please come. Nobody will say anything. I promise.

没有人会说什么。我在汉堡的办公室里、在地铁里、在晚上的床上读过这句话一百遍。它听起来像是一种安慰。现在，坐在塞普叔叔的车里，它听起来却像是一种威胁。

Nobody will say anything. I had read that sentence a hundred times, in the office in Hamburg, on the underground, in bed at night. It had sounded like comfort. Now, in the car next to Uncle Sepp, it sounded like a threat.

我们开车穿过村子。就在我们经过教堂的那一刻，塞普叔叔把收音机声音调大了。我知道为什么。

We drove through the village. Uncle Sepp turned the radio up at exactly the moment we drove past the church. I knew why.

十年前，我本该在那座教堂结婚。客人们来了，音乐响了，托比亚斯在祭坛前等着。而我穿着白裙子，坐上一辆出租车去了火车站。

Ten years ago I was supposed to get married in that church. The guests came, the music played, Tobias waited at the altar. And I got into a taxi and went to the station, in my white dress.

从那以后，家里没有人跟我谈起过那天。电话里没有，信里也没有。甚至在我父亲去世时也没有。

Since then, nobody in my family has talked to me about that day. Not on the phone, not in letters. Not even when my father died.

在母亲家门前，塞普叔叔关掉了引擎。他盯着方向盘看了很久。

In front of my mother’s house Uncle Sepp switched off the engine. He looked at the steering wheel for a long time.

“有一件事你必须知道，”他随后说道，“周六托比亚斯要在乐队里演奏。吹小号。卡特琳没法不请他。”

“There’s one thing you need to know,” he said then. “Tobias is playing in the village band on Saturday. Trumpet. Katrin couldn’t uninvite him.”

然后他下了车，我独自坐在车里，心跳加速。

Then he got out, and I sat alone in the car, my heart pounding.