Pergi Saja, Kalau Begitu

Ben tidak pergi malam itu. Dia marah kepada saya, dan dia berhak marah, tetapi Edith membutuhkannya, dan Ben melakukan apa yang Edith butuhkan. Dia duduk lagi dan mengambil pulpen. Dia tidak menatap saya.

Ben didn’t leave that night. He was angry with me, and he had every right to be, but Edith needed him, and Ben does what Edith needs. He sat down again and picked up the pen. He didn’t look at me.

“Amara,” kata Edith. “Kita harus menjawab Amara dulu. Saya masih belum tahu harus berkata apa.”

“Amara,” said Edith. “We must answer Amara first. I still don’t know what to say.”

Saya berdiri. “Beri saya satu jam,” kata saya.

I stood up. “Give me an hour,” I said.

Saya berlari melintasi alun-alun ke toko. Ayah saya ada di belakang meja kasir, mengisi teka-teki silang di koran sore, dengan kacamata di hidungnya. Toko itu kosong.

I ran across the square to the shop. My father was behind the counter, doing the crossword in the evening paper, with his glasses on his nose. The shop was empty.

“Baba,” kata saya. “Aku butuh bantuanmu.”

“Baba,” I said. “I need your help.”

Dia menaruh pulpennya. Selama lima tahun saya tidak pernah mengatakan kata-kata itu kepadanya. Saya kira sepuluh tahun pun tidak.

He put down his pen. In five years I had never said those words to him. I don’t think I had said them in ten.

“Amara Mensah,” kata saya. “Anak perempuan kecil, sembilan tahun, yang baru datang ke sini. Ayahnya ada di rumah sakit, punggungnya patah. Apakah Baba tahu sesuatu tentang dia? Apa saja?”

“Amara Mensah,” I said. “A little girl, nine, who came here recently. Her father is in hospital with a broken back. Do you know anything about her? Anything at all?”

Dia menatap saya sejenak, lama sekali. Dia tidak bertanya mengapa saya ingin tahu. Saya kira dia sudah tahu ke mana saya pergi setiap malam.

He looked at me for a long moment. He didn’t ask why I wanted to know. I think he already knew where I had been every evening.

“Dia tinggal bersama bibinya di atas binatu,” katanya. “Dia jadi gembala di pentas Natal anak-anak. Gurunya, Clara Novak, membeli permen untuk anak-anak di sini, setiap Kamis. Minggu lalu dia bercerita sesuatu kepadaku.” Dia melepas kacamatanya. “Dia ingin anak-anak pergi ke rumah sakit pada malam Natal, setelah pentas, dan menyanyi untuk para pasien. Dengan kostum mereka. Dia sedang meminta izin rumah sakit dan pastor.”

“She lives with her aunt above the launderette,” he said. “She is a shepherd in the children’s play. The teacher, Clara Novak, buys the sweets for the children here, every Thursday. Last week she told me something.” He took his glasses off. “She wants the children to go to the hospital on Christmas Eve, after the play, and sing for the patients. In their costumes. She is asking the hospital and the priest.”

Saya mencium pipinya, melewati meja kasir. Lalu saya tidak berlari kembali ke Edith. Saya berlari dulu ke sekolah, yang lampunya masih menyala, dan menemukan Clara Novak sendirian di kelasnya, sedang menggunting bintang-bintang kertas.

I kissed him on the cheek, across the counter. Then I didn’t run back to Edith. I ran to the school first, where the lights were still on, and found Clara Novak alone in her classroom, cutting out paper stars.

Dia tidak senang melihat seorang jurnalis. Dia bilang kepada saya bahwa pentas Natal itu sudah menjadi mimpi buruk, bahwa rumah sakit belum bilang ya, bahwa Father Tom belum bertanya kepada uskup, dan bahwa empat puluh anak dengan kostum di salju adalah mimpi buruk. Saya bilang bahwa seseorang di alun-alun sangat ingin itu terjadi. Saya tidak bilang siapa. Saya bilang saya sendiri akan menelepon rumah sakit besok pagi dan berdiri bersama anak-anak di salju kalau dia butuh satu orang dewasa lagi. Dia menatap saya lama sekali, lalu dia bilang akan mencoba.

She was not pleased to see a journalist. She told me that the nativity play was already a nightmare, that the hospital hadn’t said yes, that Father Tom hadn’t asked the bishop, and that forty children in costumes in the snow was a nightmare. I told her that someone on the square would very much like it to happen. I didn’t say who. I said I would phone the hospital myself in the morning and stand with the children in the snow if she needed another adult. She looked at me for a long time, and then she said she would try.

Lalu saya berlari kembali ke Edith.

Then I ran back to Edith.

Edith mendengarkan. Lalu dia menutup matanya dan diam lama sekali, dan Ben menunggu dengan pulpen di atas kertas.

Edith listened. Then she closed her eyes and was quiet for a long time, and Ben waited with the pen above the paper.

“Amara yang baik,” katanya akhirnya. “Terima kasih atas suratmu. Itu surat yang berani untuk ditulis. Aku tidak bisa membawa ayahmu pulang untuk Natal. Punggungnya butuh waktu, dan dokter yang merawatnya bijaksana. Tetapi dengarkan aku baik-baik. Kalau ayahmu tidak bisa datang ke Natal, maka pada malam Natal, Natal akan datang kepadanya. Perhatikan, dan kamu akan melihat. Dengan kasih, N.”

“Dear Amara,” she said at last. “Thank you for your letter. It was a brave letter to write. I cannot bring your father home for Christmas. His back needs time, and the doctors who look after him are wise. But listen to me carefully. If your father cannot come to Christmas, then on Christmas Eve, Christmas will come to him. Watch, and you will see. With love, N.”