Kunci-Kunci Itu

Ketika Ana kembali menyeberangi jalan, Walter sedang duduk di meja dapur. Di depannya ada secangkir teh yang sudah dingin. Crumb sedang tidur di bawah kursinya. Radio mati, dan itu tidak biasa. Ana melepas jaketnya pelan-pelan lalu duduk di depannya.

When Ana came back across the road, Walter was sitting at the kitchen table. In front of him was a cup of tea that had gone cold. Crumb was asleep under his chair. The radio was off, which was unusual. Ana took off her jacket slowly and sat down opposite him.

“Kata Priya, kamu kedatangan tamu kemarin,” katanya. “Seorang wanita bermobil hitam besar.”

“Priya says you had a visitor yesterday,” she said. “A woman in a big black car.”

Walter tidak mendongak. “Priya punya mata yang sangat awas dan lidah yang sangat panjang.” Dia memutar cangkirnya di atas meja dengan tangan kiri. “Itu tadi pelanggan.”

Walter didn’t look up. “Priya has very good eyes and a very long tongue.” He turned his cup round on the table with his left hand. “It was a customer.”

“Pelanggan yang bertamu selama satu jam?”

“A customer who stayed for an hour?”

“Dia punya banyak pertanyaan tentang roti.” Dia akhirnya menatapnya, dan mata birunya yang kecil tampak lelah tetapi sangat jernih. “Itu urusan bisnis, Ana. Urusanku. Kalau sudah jadi urusanmu, aku akan memberi tahumu. Tidak sebelumnya.” Dia mengatakannya tanpa rasa marah, dan itu membuatnya lebih sulit didebat.

“She had a lot of questions about bread.” He finally looked at her, and his small blue eyes were tired but very clear. “It was business, Ana. My business. When it is your business, I will tell you. Not before.” He said it without anger, and that made it harder to argue with.

Di pintu kulkas, di bawah magnet berbentuk sebongkah roti, ada sepucuk surat dari rumah sakit. Surat itu sudah ada di sana selama tiga minggu. Ana sudah membacanya dua kali sambil membuat teh. Pak Bell diundang ke sebuah janji temu dengan dokter spesialis untuk membicarakan gejala-gejalanya. Walter belum menelepon nomor itu. Setiap kali Jess menyinggungnya, dia mengalihkan pembicaraan atau meninggalkan ruangan.

On the fridge, under a magnet shaped like a loaf of bread, there was a letter from the hospital. It had been there for three weeks. Ana had read it twice while she was making tea. Mr Bell was invited to an appointment with a specialist to discuss his symptoms. Walter had not called the number. Every time Jess mentioned it, he changed the subject or left the room.

Malam itu, Jess mengetuk pintu kamar Ana. Dia sedang memegang surat itu. “Aku sudah menelepon mereka,” katanya. “Aku berpura-pura jadi sekretarisnya. Kakek punya janji temu hari Rabu pukul sepuluh. Sekarang kita harus membawanya ke sana, dan aku tidak bisa melakukannya sendirian. Kakek tidak mendengarkanku. Dia pikir aku masih berusia dua tahun.”

That evening, Jess knocked on Ana’s door. She was holding the letter. “I called them,” she said. “I pretended to be his secretary. He has an appointment on Wednesday at ten. Now we have to get him there, and I can’t do it alone. He doesn’t listen to me. He thinks I’m still two years old.”

“Kalau begitu kita lakukan bersama-sama,” kata Ana. “Tapi tidak dengan berteriak. Berteriak tidak mempan padanya. Aku sudah mencoba.”

“Then we do it together,” Ana said. “But not with shouting. Shouting doesn’t work with him. I’ve tried.”

Pada Selasa malam, pukul empat pagi, Ana memilih saat yang tepat. Adonan untuk roti-roti besar sedang diistirahatkan di bawah kain penutupnya, dan radio berbunyi pelan. Walter sedang duduk di kursinya dekat meja, memperhatikan tangan Ana dengan matanya yang kritis. Ana duduk di sebelahnya membawa dua cangkir teh.

On Tuesday night, at four in the morning, Ana chose her moment. The dough for the big loaves was resting under its cloths, and the radio was playing quietly. Walter was sitting in his chair by the table, watching her hands with his critical eyes. She sat down next to him with two cups of tea.

“Kamu ingat apa yang kamu katakan kepadaku tentang rasa bangga diri?” tanyanya. “Kamu bilang itu hal yang mengerikan. Kamu bilang seseorang mengucapkan satu kata, lalu tidak bisa menariknya kembali, dan satu tahun menjadi dua, dan dua tahun menjadi sepuluh.”

“Do you remember what you told me about pride?” she asked. “You said it was a terrible thing. You said a person says one word, and then they can’t take it back, and one year becomes two, and two becomes ten.”

Walter menatapnya dengan curiga. “Aku ingat. Aku juga ingat kamu tidak suka mendengarnya.”

Walter looked at her suspiciously. “I remember. I also remember that you didn’t like hearing it.”

“Aku memang tidak suka. Tapi kamu benar. Dan kurasa kamu sedang melakukan hal yang sama sekarang, dengan tanganmu. Kamu tidak mau pergi ke rumah sakit karena kamu takut pada apa yang akan mereka katakan. Dan karena kamu bangga diri. Tapi kalau kamu tidak pergi, tidak ada yang berubah, kecuali keadaannya jadi makin buruk dan Jess menangis di kamarnya pada malam hari. Kamu tahu dia melakukan itu?”

“I didn’t. But you were right. And I think you’re doing the same thing now, with your hands. You don’t want to go to the hospital because you’re afraid of what they’ll say. And because you’re proud. But if you don’t go, nothing changes, except that it gets worse and Jess cries in her room at night. Did you know that she does that?”

Walter terdiam lama sekali. Di radio, seorang pria sedang membacakan ramalan cuaca untuk kapal-kapal di laut dengan suara yang tenang dan lambat. Dia terdengar seolah-olah badai-badai itu terjadi sangat jauh, pada orang lain. Akhirnya Walter meletakkan cangkirnya.

Walter was silent for a long time. On the radio, a man was reading the weather for ships at sea in a calm, slow voice. He sounded as if the storms were happening very far away, to other people. Finally Walter put down his cup.